I'm kind of like a nerd. I guess.
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If I've learned anything from the internet recently it's that I'm just not nerdy enough for these modern times. I'm not saying that I'm not of the nerd persuasion, there's no denying that. It's just that I seem to be like Hank Morgan. Except I'm in the future not the past, and my knowledge is looked upon like a useless relic like a three month old cell phone or David Hasselhoff. Look, the point is that nerd knowledge and the making of snarky comments about such things is the butter to my comedy bread. To try and keep some sort of grip on it I've decided to pick some nerd topics of the day and make up comments which I assume to be straight up zingers!
World of Warcraft - I was loving this game until I leveled up into the hundreds. I mean, once you've taken out the Crevice Dwarf stronghold of Gaylengore there isn't much left to do but run around razing random villages using Edward's Evocation of Encompassing Energy. I mean, am I right - or am I right?
The Wii - The real revolution this is going to create is that the damn jokes write themselves. More importantly is the cavalcade of hilarity that will arise when message boards become clogged with 16 year old kids saying things like "STFU n00b! This system is totally wiivolutionary!" and "What the hell are you talking about you stupid wiitard!"
Comics - Did you know that Iron Man isn't actually made of iron? I've also heard a rumor that Superman isn't really made of steel. A disturbing trend indeed.
Robots - We're still working on perfecting the Robotic Operating Buddy right?
Dungeons and Dragons -
DM: The orc hits the paladin for five points of damage. What do you want to do now.
Wizard: I cast magic missile at the orc.
Cleric: I cast cure light wounds on the paladin.
Druid: I cast shillelagh on the whole party!
Paladin: Does anybody here have anything made of oak?
Everybody: NO!
Paladin: Why don't you just go off and, like, make some grass grow 1d4 times faster and let us take care of this?
Druid: When I get to level 8 and get finger of death you guys will all be like, 'Help us Krogar the Bold! We're to dumb and weak to fight anymore!'
Cleric: Hey! My character's a chick! And, if my stats are to be believed, a rather comely one at that.
Oh, wait. I didn't make that one up. Shit.
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Oasis