Yes. I am Insane. The time has come, gentile readers, for me to tackle a woefully under discussed issue...Sex. Oh sure, every time one turns around somebody's talking about sex, but there is a tendency to leave one area undisclosed, covered up, chained to a steam pipe in the basement like the child you never wanted but couldn't find the heart to give up for adoption. Whenever people talk about sex they either talk about really good sex or really bad sex. But I ask you people now, why do we never discuss average sex? Ok sex, mediocre sex, utilitarian sex. The kind of sex that Germans would applaud for its efficiency and the Swiss would commend for its precise interlocking of delicate, one of a kind, parts. Let's be honest here folks. All this one extreme or the other talk is just plain boring. Once you've heard about how somebody never thought that a candelabra could be so erotic, or how unexpectedly thrilling having sex in the vestry at their grandmother's funeral was, you've pretty much heard it all. And think of the poor people who have to be subjected to such tales. Don't you see the sorrow in their eyes as they begin to consider the complete lack of such excitement in their boudoir-centric activities? Hell, what if they don't even have any boudoir-centric activities to speak of because, I don't know, their eGirlfriend ran off to Canada to be with another man only to find out that he's gay, and even though she had sent pictures he thought for sure she was totally a dude. But I digress. Talking about the horrible sex you've had isn't much better. As you sit there talking about how horrible this or that was, somewhere there is an innocent person crying like a clown with chlamydia because you're talking about moves they have labeled as "gold material" in their now obviously pathetic sexual arsenal (though it's hard to get sexual feedback from a microwaved cantaloupe. I'm just...Um...sayin'). Lives are ruined by this shit people! America, embrace your mediocrity. There's no shame in being average. I want to hear more "It was so-so" and less "I still can't feel my legs". Is that too much to ask? I didn't think so. So ends my public service announcement. Seriously, this has nothing to do with me at all. For real. Why is everybody looking at me like that?
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