One Last Letter My dearest M, I must begin by offering my deepest apologies on the unconscionable lateness of my reply. I have had your letter in my possession for neigh on a week now yet have been unable (and, I must confess it, afraid) to respond. Unable, for upon receiving your letter I felt as though I were a man dying of thirst who had just been given a cup of water. So intent was I on drinking in your words that I would only allow myself a little at a time for fear that even the smallest drop of your kindness would be wasted. I know these words are far from comforting to you, but do not despair! With your characteristic honesty, you said your fondest desire was that your words might bring me comfort. I assure with all my heart that they brought nothing but solace in these, the darkest hours of my life. Of all those I know, you are the only one who can truly understand my suffering. My plight. My desperate need for escape. Indeed, I have had to bear painful witness as even my closest friends were lost to my ever growing black mood and obsession. I am sure you are still awaiting the answer as to why I was afraid to write to you as well as unable. Even as I sit alone here in this emptiness I can image the look on your face as you try and untwist my contradictory words. Oh sweet M., how I have longed to tell you all. How I have found the very depths of my soul and risen to the surface only to be dragged back down once more. I have wished to scream into the wind the destiny that I have embraced but know it will trouble you deeply. For too long I have fought against the tides of fate. All my live I have felt as though I was trapped. Lost in a maze that was never ending, repeating. Moving forward meant nothing more than challenge stacked upon challenge until there was nothing but exhaustion. Even as I tried to move ever forward in an effort of Sisyphusian proportion I could only achieve so much for always lurking near were the haunting visions of the "others". How you must be sighing up towards the heavens that I would once more bring this up! How many late nights have you spent trying to convince me that they are nothing but ghostly manifestations of my own inner demons, yet here I am still clinging sans reservation to their reality. I still remeber well how you wailed and moaned following my informing of you that they were real enough to have names (I. B. C. and S.). In the deepest regions of my soul I know that now is the time to face these things, whatever they may be. I can no longer live this life of endless running. It is for this reason I go off to face these apparitions that all may be resolved one way or the other. Shall it come to pass that these are indeed mental creatures devoid of corporeal form I will come with all haste to return to your side. Exorcised of these demons we will live a life more blissful than even the Gods could image. Should, as I am all too convinced of, these creatures be real I can only offer you these final words. Do not mourn for me. In death there is a freedom that I could no longer live without. In the arms of the universe I will wait for you to someday join me that we can be together in eternal happiness. Never forget that you are everything to me. With a love greater than eternity, Pac-Man
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