Good Press to Start the New Year * * * His charm is not unlike a landfill in summer. His ideas are far less impressive than is execution...His execution being a human train wreck. The shame is almost too much. Why couldn't he have been a coke-addled pornographer like his half-brother Mark? One would hope that this young man's deportment is far from representative of his peer group. Ratio of the number of hits received by this site per month vs. the number of times author has masturbatory fantasy involving a crescent file and 3 gallons of teriyaki sauce: 0:50 I would have totally pegged him as marriage material if it weren't for how easily distracted he is by shiny objects, like keys and midgets. One time we were in the store and he started freaking out because they had just gotten cumquats. He was all, "I could make some kick-ass chicken with those bad-boys!". Seriously. I think he's gay. (ed. note: The author has been restrained for both his own safety as well as the safety of others. Please go about your business without feeling the need to contact the authorities.) |